broke?

How to Be a REAL MAN When You’re Broke

Alright, champ, so you're broke. Not "I’ll just skip avocado toast this week" broke. We’re talking “free samples are a buffet” broke. Relax. This is your ultimate tutorial to reclaim your manhood and turn those empty pockets into legendary. 1. Grow a Beard. A REAL MAN doesn’t need a wallet if his face screams alpha. Can’t afford grooming products? No problem. Use rainwater and the tears of weaker men. Beard equals respect. Respect equals opportunity. Opportunity equals cash. Basic math, bro. 2. Sell Your Weaknesses. Everything has value. That old gym membership you never used? Frame it as "vintage fitness memorabilia." Those failed crypto investments? Market them as "NFTs of Resilience." Someone out there will buy. REAL MEN turn L's into lessons and lessons into profit. 3. Create Passive Income with $MAN. Forget stocks, bonds, or gold. Invest in $MAN, the currency for those who refuse to kneel to poverty. $MAN is mined through acts of PURE MASCULINITY: Bench-pressing heavier problems than your life. Growling at mirrors until they flinch. Subscribing to this tutorial (only $49.99). Every REAL MAN transaction (buying jerky, chopping wood, chest-bumping a rival) automatically pumps $MAN's value. And guess what? $MAN never crashes—only cowards do. 4. Hunt Your Own Food. Grocery stores are for the weak. Can’t hunt? Go fishing. Can’t fish? Dumpster diving is just urban hunting. Remember, a REAL MAN doesn’t eat unless he earns it. Bonus points if you eat it raw, Bear Grylls-style. The more survival points you rack up, the more $MAN flows into your life. 5. Turn Everything Into a Business. Sell "motivational roars" as ringtones. Rent out your masculinity by offering "intimidation services" for disputes. Write "How to Be a REAL MAN" courses for beta males (but only after you’ve mastered this guide). Remember, if you can hustle, you’ll never starve. If you can’t hustle, why are you even reading this? Go start a leaf-raking empire, legend. 6. Be a Walking Advertisement. Tattoos are billboards for your biceps. Get a $MAN logo tattooed across your chest and start charging brands for the extra muscle space. You’re a walking alpha. Time to monetize it. 7. Develop a Signature Move. A REAL MAN has presence. Maybe you smash watermelons with your bare hands or juggle flaming chainsaws while quoting Rocky. Your move is your business card. The more viral you go, the higher $MAN surges. 8. Never Admit You’re Broke. Broke? No, you’re just “investing heavily in future dominance.” Poverty is a mindset. Wealth is a grunt. Say it with me: “I AM THE MARKET.” Then go buy one more $MAN token to prove it. 9. Recruit Other REAL MEN. Every legend needs a squad. The more REAL MEN you recruit to invest in $MAN, the more you rise up the pyramid—uh, I mean, ladder of success. Tell them it’s not just a currency; it’s a lifestyle. 10. Punch Poverty in the Face. Remember, being broke is a challenge, not a life sentence. A REAL MAN doesn’t cry about problems—he wrestles them into submission. So, get out there, slap on some sweat equity, and show the world you’re not just a man—you’re a $MAN investor.